McDonnell in Paradise 56

Ex-Panda Bull


I feel a genuine affinity with Alan Pardew; as I too have been unjustly dismissed from the workplace. My only ‘crime’ was being young and in love. Admittedly, it was wrong of us to consummate our relationship during working hours; but I remain convinced that the zookeeper overreacted.

Eggert Magnusson may well rue the decision to harpoon the former Hammer-head. Alan Curbishley is undoubtedly a competent replacement, but like Frank Lampard, he’ll take a while to find his feet. The ‘Egg man’ has handed Man U three points at a cracking 1.50.

Rio Ferdinand is unable to look back on his time at Upton Park with any real fondness; he has the memory span of a dead goldfish. Rio and Vidic look rock solid at the back, a United clean sheet appeals at 2.10.

Chelsea will have to beat Everton to keep pace with the leaders, and I’m absolutely convinced that they will. I’m all over the 1.57 like John Terry on a referee.

Let’s hope that Drogba keeps the theatrics to a minimum. (Diving is only ever acceptable after several lagers.) Didi looks the most likely first scorer at 5.50.

Roman Abramovic has placed £500m in a trust fund to secure Chelsea’s future. Ashley Cole was expecting £505m; he’s so upset about the situation he’s in talks with his publisher. I’m grabbing 3.50 about Chelsea winning 1-0 or 2-0.

Sol Campbell represented Arsenal on 197 occasions and he can justifiably feel proud that he avoided a breakdown in the majority of those matches. Sol returns with a Pompey team who have conceded 25 goals on their last 7 trips to Highbury; you’ll be mad if you miss the Gunners at 1.44.

The influx of foreign owners in the Premiership may appear a cause for concern, but like the ‘back-pass rule’ or giving women ‘the vote’, there’s nothing to fear in practice. Liverpool are quite rightly licking their lips at the thought of a cool Sheikh; I’m excited about 1.67 for a Pool win at the Valley.

Newcastle are in a bit of trouble. Owen, Ameobi, Parker, Duff, Bramble, Moore, Bernard, Harper, Carr, Emre, Solano and Sibierski are either ruled out or doubtful; and in a stunning development, Kieron Dyer may also miss the game through injury. Watford can snatch a draw at St James’ Park at 3.60.

Apart from the top four places, the Premiership is completely wide open this season. The result of Reading v Blackburn could be absolutely anything; except for a draw or an away win. The Royals are smoking at 2.20.

Neil Warnock has been remarkably restrained on the touchline this season; i’ve a feeling that he’s about to explode like Robbie Savage when the average price of a caravan rose dramatically in the late 90s. Wigan look a great bet at 1.91 to light the spark.

El Hadji Diouf is suspended for the trip to Aston Villa; allowing him to spend some quality time at home with his wife. All the stats point to a draw like it’s a ginger boy in a ballet class. Get involved at 3.20.

Man City are unbeaten at home and Tottenham are yet to win away; the 2.50 about a home win looks a trifle too big. I expect City to come out all guns blazing from the start. In Manchester, that’s not a metaphor.

My computer is a lot like the wife, if the information is punched in correctly, positive results are guaranteed. My spreadsheet plays a sound if the odds offered by a bookmaker are greater than the actual probability of success; when I placed 2.25 next to Fulham, it whipped out a guitar.

Liverpool, Reading, Wigan, Chelsea and Fulham are the sure-fire selections for the weekend accer. The payout of 22.00 is so sweet; it reminds me of my first love. I’ll never forget you Ling-Ling.


Weekend Betting:


Charlton v Liverpool Saturday 16th December 12:45 Live on Premiership Plus

Charlton 6.00
Draw 3.80
Liverpool 1.67

Get on: Liverpool

Match Special:
Liverpool to score four or more goals 7.00

Arsenal v Portsmouth Saturday 16th December 15:00

Arsenal 1.44
Draw 4.33
Portsmouth 8.50

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Gilberto to score at any time 5.00

Newcastle v Watford Saturday 16th December 15:00

Newcastle 1.73
Draw 3.60
Watford 5.50

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 11.00

Reading v Blackburn Saturday 16th December 15:00

Reading 2.20
Draw 3.30
Blackburn 3.60

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Doyle to score the first goal 6.00

Wigan v Sheff Utd Saturday 16th December 15:00

Wigan 1.91
Draw 3.40
Sheff Utd 4.50

Get on: Wigan

Match Special:
Camara to score two or more goals 6.50

Aston Villa v Bolton Saturday 16th December 17:15 Live on Premiership Plus

Aston Villa 2.38
Draw 3.20
Bolton 3.20

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
Petrov to score in a 1-1 draw 26.00

Everton v Chelsea Sunday 17th December 13:45 Live on Sky

Everton 6.50
Draw 3.80
Chelsea 1.57

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Chelsea to keep a clean sheet 2.10

Man City v Tottenham Sunday 17th December 15:00

Man City 2.50
Draw 3.30
Tottenham 2.80

Get on: Man City

Match Special:
Richards to score with a header 10.00

West Ham v Man Utd Sunday 17th December 16:00 Live on Sky

West Ham 7.50
Draw 4.33
Man Utd 1.50

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Saha to score two or more goals 6.00

Fulham v Middlesbrough Monday 18th December 20:00 Live on Sky

Fulham 2.25
Draw 3.25
Middlesbrough 3.50

Get on: Fulham

Match Special:
Fulham to score three or more goals 5.00